Scythe

Book 53 is Scythe which is the 1st book of the Arc of a Scythe by Neal Shusterman.

Discovered this on GoodReads from a friend who had listened to the audio book. And boy, am I glad that I read it. This is some of the best sci-fi I've read in a looooong time. The series is my new goal.

This reminded me of the Torchwood mini-series where people stop dying. Death is important. There is a sequence to things. There is a pile-on effect to not culling the population. We see it in crocodiles in Australia and insects that thrive and get out of control.

So what happens when your job is to cull humanity?

What a great concept! This was well executed.

5 lives out of 5.

Should I read this? No matter what you enjoy reading, this is good stuff. Yes, read it.
What did I learn? Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Dear Diary

Years ago, I started blogging to share via broadcast to those opting in to hear what was going on in my life. It was also a way of practising writing, articulating my thoughts and ultimately documenting my life.

The audience wasn't supposed to be huge. I never really expected anyone but my parents and a few close friends to read. I even turned on comment moderation so that this became my pedestal and a place I could share my thoughts without hearing everyone else respond. That may sound like a control thing but it fitted the idea that this was a log. A captain's log for me going boldly where no Mana had gone before.

As my separation and divorce saw me tumble in to three years of severe clinical depression, this was a place to put the sadness so it was outside of myself. To write down and negate the negative thoughts. To explain the pain and why I coped the way I did. To remember moments that would not be concreted in memory due to the way depression screws with your head.

When I healed and went back out in to the world to try again, this was still a place for me to post the good and bad things that happened in life. Slowly, that migrated to Facebook and rapidly I stopped talking about what it was that shaped me.

Some of this came from any weakness feeling like a failure. Some of it came from people saying I was too high disclosure. A lot of it came from being happier and taking time to bask in the light rather than right it down.

It is no surprise that I return to talk to the ether when my head is in a confused state and my soul is in pain.

So, my dear diary, how do we get through this moment of darkness in to the light again?

I like the idea that this Gala Darling suggests to end the year on a high note. Might get on that.

Needs and Wants

For one week in June, I did not buy anything unless I could without doubt say that I needed it. I didn't go without anything except my purchases made on a whim.

I always track my finances to make sure payments that hit my card are correct and that I'm on track for savings goals. What I do not do is look at what I bought and if that is valid... unless it is a big purchase and blew my usual spendings for the month.

At the end of June, I looked back and found that I spend around $365 less than my average month.

That is such a significant percentage drop and confirmed my inner revelation that I have become an American-like consumer. It actually needs to stop and finally, this is becoming apparent.

I have everything I want and it is as though I need ten of each thing. That is not a good way to think.

Changes, they are a-coming.

A week of not buying everything I want

Wow, is it difficult to not shop online constantly when you live in the US and work for Amazon?!

It's what the company I work for does best. Not just them but every online company in the US.

I can order everything online and have it delivered to my home with the only human inconvenience being dealing with my delivery guy (I joke):

• Instant groceries via Prime Now and Instacart, if I'm unwilling to wait a day for Amazon Fresh, Safeway and QFC;
• Christmas trees and people to pick up those Christmas trees when done;
• Petrol/Gas for your car;
• A massage at home;
• Organic tampons;
• Furniture. Yes, every single piece of furniture you can imagine; and
• Anything else you can imagine.

We live in the future and I want my flying car!

You think I joke, but I have pre-ordered two Star Trek: TOS Bluetooth® Communicators. One for my sister and one for myself.

We live in a time when you can get anything you want. My smartphone is more powerful than the computer that landed man on the moon. My speakers hear my commands and turn my house lights on and off , read me the news and tell me the weather or time if I'm too lazy to lift up my so smartphone.

It is so easy to buy. It takes a level of mindfulness to wake up after a goodnight's sleep and cancel that order of plastic garden flamingos. Yes, that happened last week.

People joke that we once had arguments about facts and now google (with a small 'g') everything and Snopes it on the spot. I extend on that and say that we have a conversation and can act on every whim and buy any damn thing we want.

But do we need those things?

This week, I have decided to not by anything that I do not NEED. When I say need, it must be essential to my survival or maintaining my basic standard of living.

In the spirit of a good Amazonian, I decided to keep a Wish List of A Week of Wants and refuse to buy anything that didn't go under the banner of essential.

I'm not saying I will buy them in a week but I am keeping a list of everything I would have purchased given the chance.

This will be both informative and confronting.

Would you face your inner consumer and not be disgusted?

Everywhere

I see you everywhere.

Every bike rider who sweeps passed on the street turns my head. The confident ones, no matter their colour, make me double take to see if it is you.

When my apartment is buzzed, I answer and wait to hear that it is you. It never is. There is a gasp of hope and anticipation and then a thump as my heart is bitch slapped by reality.

You are gone.

That is OK.

I'd rather you be happy.

I lie in bed and close my eyes and imagine you sleeping next to me. With my insomnia, I used to watch you sleep. Your eyelids would flutter and you'd sigh at whatever you were dreaming. I'd kiss you and like the kissing ninja you are, you'd kiss me back mid-sleep as if you saw me coming every time. Those were the moments I spent with you that you didn't spend with me, consciously.

For all the drama and the pain that you caused, I will confirm that it was worth it.

Thank you for the ride of my life. Thank you for the first true love of my life.

I'd change nothing. Nothing.

Now, go do amazing things and know I love you.

Stoopid immune system.

Mirror, Mirror

I sat at dinner with my two closest Seattle friends, Vanessa and Candace. We spoke of many things but one thing resonated with them. I know this because they both mentioned it in days to come. To me, it was a passing comment but to them it seemed more. I realised that I had said something so true and personal that most people won't admit it... out loud, at least.

That however is my signature stupidity/charm.

I am a mirror.

It is a social skill and helps me build rapport faster than any other skill.

People think mirrors are out to mirror behaviour and that it is insincere. That is not the case.

Being a mirror is a great social skill. However, it is not about giving up who you are to satisfy the audience No. It so is not.

Being a mirror is about understanding the level of authenticity and emotional investment that each individual needs. Not about giving up who you are.

Some people need to connect intimately, some superficially. Some need to fall in love and others need to emotionally bounce off you and boost their ego. We walk in and out of the lives of people to give them what they need. That's a good way to see the world.

Recently, I felt a lot of emotion for an amazing man. He didn't want a relationship but needed support. I gave him that and we are no longer friends. That challenged me because I fell in love a little. My sadness is warranted because I helped him and thought we wanted the same thing but I was mistaken. I needed to remember that sometimes we give and don't receive and that is ok. We walk in and out of people's lives but mirrors carry a massive weight.

We know what you need and we give it because we care about you. Most people don't get that.

Sitting with two mirrors at dinner, I realised I am not alone. We find each other to help carry the weight that is thrust on us. I'm grateful to you two, Nessy and Candy. Even when those we carry for don't ever realise it.