If Someone Says "You Complete Me," RUN!

Book 3 of 2017 is If  Someone Says "You Complete Me," RUN! by Whoopi Goldberg.

I consumed this as an audio book. This is the third book I've read this year and so far they are all by female authors. My goal for this year is to have at least 50% of the authors of the books I read be women. So far, so good. Last year, 10 of the 30 books I read were by women. Very disappointing.

This is my kind of relationship book. When I picked it up, I didn't consider it a relationship book but more comedy. Interestingly, it was both.

My life is not quite a conventional one and although my friends and family respect how I choose to live for myself, I've not oft heard this touted as by someone famous in a book. This took me from always loving Whoopi to feeling quite connected to her.

Some people are not meant for relationships but society seems to keep forcing us to reassess what is wrong with us and why we choose to be alone like we are broken. It is so nice to hear someone say that it's a different way to live but it isn't wrong.

Four drive-bys out of five.

Should I read this? In this case, it is a 4 hour listen so not too long. I think that it would be helpful for most people single or otherwise to read it.
What did I learn? I am not alone in how I choose to live my life.

Talking As Fast As I Can

Book 2 of 2017 is Talking As Fast As I Can by Lauren Graham.

I am so glad that I read this within weeks of watching the revival of Gilmore Girls. Graham had me in fits of laughter, tears and finally with my heart broken for the third time as I say goodbye to Lorelai again.

The thing I loved the most about this was that she writes like she seems in Gilmore Girls and that did not disappoint me.

There are spoilers towards the end so don't read it until you have watched every episode ever made including the revival.

The writing is free and honest. I consumed this is just under 6 hours.

Five cups of mother and daughter banter out of five.

Should I read this? If you are a Gilmore Girls fan then absolutely. Not sure it will mean as much if you aren't. But who isn't a fan?
What did I learn? I learnt that the last four words of a TV show are very important.

Grunt

Book 1 of 2017 is Grunt by Mary Roach.

This is a book I was trying to get through before the end of 2016 but December was disrupted and so this ends on the second day of the new year. Last year, I missed completing my 2016 Good Reads Reading Challenge with 30 or the 36 books finished. For 2017, I've set the challenge to 30 books which does not feel daunting.

Having never read Mary Roach before, I was expecting this to be a boring text book with some good statistics. Boy, was I wrong. She is a very entertaining writer and had regularly laughing between IEDs destroying penile function, disinterested sharks and polar bears obsessed with tampons.

I can't say I enjoyed every section. This was about war and that means that there are hard truths to read. Some chapters saw me put down the book and walk away for a few days to read fantasy in order to process the horrors of war. Roach does talk about everything with respect and an appropriate sense of humour. She had my respect on that.

This is both disturbing and enlightening. It is not for everyone.

Four special ops goldfish in a submarine out of five.

Should I read this? This is a hard one to answer. It may trigger people who have been in similar situations. It may be a bit to gory and detailed for some. I very much approached it as science and still cringed regularly. I'd say only read it if you can compartmentalise well.
What did I learn? Where to start: so much. That's why I would recommend reading this book. It made me look at war science in a very different way. It's not just nuclear science or signals processing. There is the people part. I guess I learnt that... these are real people dying for... something.

10 Questions to Myself on 2016

1. What were your top five moments of the year?

This took a lot of trimming down but I came up with my top 5, in no particular order...

1. Visiting San Francisco for the first time in my life with my sister. Running in to two Aussie friends that I've had for years and spending precious hours with them. Trina and I also visited Alcatraz. The whole trip was a highlight, even in the freezing cold San Francisco rain.

2. Visiting New Orleans for my 40th birthday with my sister. Riding an airboat on an alligator infested swamp. Eating the best seafood in the US. All the food was fantastic.

3. Heading home to Darwin. Surprising my Mum and Dad who had no idea I'd be visiting. Hanging out with old friends and making new ones. Eating the great topical food and Asian delights. Seeing my furbabies who I miss every single day.

4. My 40th Birthday. It was spent with very special friends and my sister. I celebrated a lot. It is marvellous being 40 years old.

5. My friendships. Working out who I want in my life and who I didn't and then making the changes needed to concrete that.

2. What are you really glad is over?

This one is a hard one to say out loud but if I am to be honest then so be it. I am glad to have moved on from a team at work that I had been on for almost two years. Having learnt a lot and finding my confidence to use my talents in Amazon, it was time to do something new. It is something I should have done three or four months earlier but it was nice to finally say goodbye to that chapter and find out what new adventures await me.

3. How are you different today than you were 365 days ago?

This one is much easier to answer. Today, I care much less about what others think of me. My sense of self is solid and being surrounded by very stable, kind and talented human beings leaves me little doubt that I am who I want to be.

4. Is there anything you achieved that you forgot to celebrate?

I have only recently started to stop and congratulate myself on seeing toxic people and situations early and walking away from them. It is something that became clearer to me in the last 12 months but I didn't realise how healing it is to stop and say "Good on you for walking away instead of tolerating it or fighting it." Some battles (inner or outer) are not worth it.

5. What have you changed your perspective on this year?

There were several moments or experiences that have changed my trajectory greatly in the last year. The biggest has to be my view of friendship. I cut off several very unhealthy friendships with people who brought their problems to everyone else's lives and were not very nice people. Instead of persisting with the friendship well passed its used by date, I am more willing to simply invest more in the ones I love and not waste energy on the ones that don't.

6. Who are the people who really came through for you this year?

Wow. That is a list. Not one I will share publicly though because they enjoy their privacy. They each know who they are. I tell them repeatedly and unguardedly.

7. What is something you tolerated for a long time, but now you will not?

I've long suffered people who believe ALL their problems are extrinsic and walk the Earth with a scary sense of entitlement. They are people I will no longer give energy to.

8. What old beliefs did you let go of?

I have let go of the belief that I do not deserve happiness. For a long time, I figured that was for other people and that I would simply exist and accept. That changed early on this year and late in to 2015. Now I am quite content with knowing that I do deserve all the love I get and that I am not lucky, I am treated well because I treat others well.

9. What was one thing that you found really challenging, but can now see supported your growth?

I had a workmate who befriended me who later told me she only was my friend to gain my support at work. When I challenged her methods and professional behaviour, she was honest about her motives. At first it was shattering but eye opening as well. Since I'd never do that, thinking someone ever would was beyond me. Now I've grown to be slightly less naive but still open and caring.

10. If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself this time last year?

I would tell myself to trust my instincts and leave when I know things are bad. Being a martyr and holding on through bad situations doesn't win me any prizes.



These questions were inspired by this post by Gala Darling.

Dear Diary

Years ago, I started blogging to share via broadcast to those opting in to hear what was going on in my life. It was also a way of practising writing, articulating my thoughts and ultimately documenting my life.

The audience wasn't supposed to be huge. I never really expected anyone but my parents and a few close friends to read. I even turned on comment moderation so that this became my pedestal and a place I could share my thoughts without hearing everyone else respond. That may sound like a control thing but it fitted the idea that this was a log. A captain's log for me going boldly where no Mana had gone before.

As my separation and divorce saw me tumble in to three years of severe clinical depression, this was a place to put the sadness so it was outside of myself. To write down and negate the negative thoughts. To explain the pain and why I coped the way I did. To remember moments that would not be concreted in memory due to the way depression screws with your head.

When I healed and went back out in to the world to try again, this was still a place for me to post the good and bad things that happened in life. Slowly, that migrated to Facebook and rapidly I stopped talking about what it was that shaped me.

Some of this came from any weakness feeling like a failure. Some of it came from people saying I was too high disclosure. A lot of it came from being happier and taking time to bask in the light rather than right it down.

It is no surprise that I return to talk to the ether when my head is in a confused state and my soul is in pain.

So, my dear diary, how do we get through this moment of darkness in to the light again?

I like the idea that this Gala Darling suggests to end the year on a high note. Might get on that.

The Chimes

Book 30 of 2016 is The Chimes by Charles Dickens.

It can't be Christmas without a lesson for the soul from Dickens.

This isn't A Christmas Carol but it runs along the same tracks. The Chimes however does not cross the times and resonate as its more famous sibling does. It is lost in class and superstition and old sexist ideas. Maybe a modern day rewrite would work.

Still, this book has brought the Christmas spirit out in me. Since it is an easy read, it is worth the moment it takes to listen to the ever present chimes.

Three chimes out of five.

Should I read this? Only if you need some Christmas reading.
What did I learn? Dickens sometimes wrote the same story twice, even the good ones.

Island Home

Book 28 of 2016 is Island Home by Tim Winton.

This book made me cry. This book made me homesick. This book made me proud.

Those are not things that I often feel and certainly not from a book. Maybe I read too much fiction or a kind of book that is abstract to me. Island Home was not abstract to me in any way. It was quite the opposite.

The way Winton describes Australia is so vivid that I found myself imagining the Northern Territory were I grew up, even while he was describing Western Australia.

Every part of this book broke me down and built me up simultaneously. I'm not even exactly sure why. It could be the visual he projects or the honesty with which he loves and sometimes doesn't love my home country.

This book confirms for me that we must travel far from home and see other places in order to truly appreciate the beauty of our own place. And for a nomad like me, it is hard to accept that I am so connected to a piece of land that it makes up most of who I am no matter how I sometimes fight it.

A book for all expatriates, even if Australia isn't your piece of dirt.

Five wide open spaces out of five.

Should I read this? If you aren't living where you grew up then yes.
What did I learn? I can fight it some days but Australia will always be my home.