Radical Candor

Book 27 of 2018 is Radical Candor: Be a Kickass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Scott.

I read this for my work book club. It used to be a book club for all the managers but it is open to the whole tech crew now. I like that.

This appealed to me in that it gave me permission to not hold back and speak the truth in a caring way.

It appalled me in that she is in a position of power to change things when most of us can not.

Rather than introducing new things, she gave me permission to do what I thought was right. That is major. Major and appreciated.

2 honest moments out of 5.

Should I read this? Only if you need validation. Us women got this.
What did I learn? Obvious. So obvious.

Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging

Book 24 of 2018 is Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger.

He talks about ancient cultures and primal cultures and current native cultures. He talks about how they have support and lack high rates of suicide because of support. The idea that the tribe and building a tribe is the way humans are meant to live.

Although I come from a modern tribal culture and the idea of building your clan, I disagree with the modern and ancient culture of total acceptance of who you. I can name many things like homosexuality, refusal to breed and wanting to leave the group as reasons why traditional tribes are not perfect.

He doesn't use data but instead make declarative statements about how the world should be and how a group of people you conform to makes that better.

There were some great ideas. We do need people. We do need acceptance or at least the place to voice who we are. We do need belonging.

My challenge is that it isn't as easy as finding a group to belong to. I belong to may groups and they satisfy a lot of my needs and wants. It's not black and white.

3 white defects to native American tribes out of 5.

Should I read this? Only with the intention to expand your philosophical views. Otherwise, nay.
What did I learn? We build our networks. They do not pick us.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

Book 2 of 2018 is Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love by Amir Levine.

A friend insisted I read this... multiple times. So, of course I did. Only in agreement that we would book club over it. That will happen soon.

Although I am an outspoken critic of evolutionary psychology since I don't believe it a science due to its inability to demonstrate scientific method behind its hypotheses, this was not so bad. It at least did what I like with therapy type approaches and offered solid skills and tools to learn to deal with the perceptions it presents.

There are a few tests in the book. I'm a Secure type with some Anxious tendencies. Very much not an Avoidant type. None of this surprised me too much.

One thing I did like was that this is the first time someone has said that sure, happiness is intrinsic but not when you are so closely connected to another person. In fact, you become biologically connected to people who you love. Their happiness does effect yours.

It never sat well with me that I was to blame for all sadness I have felt in life. Sometimes, I'm said because you are. Or someone leaves and it breaks my heart. Be it a break-up, death or a friend moving to another city.

This book will help me to build on my ability to identify what drives people and to be a better friend. It also gives me permission to say certain behaviours are not ok and to voice what I need. Those are all good things. Massive massive things.

5 secure boundaries out of 5.

Should I read this? If you are open to being a better person and face your challenges then yes. If not, go do something else.
What did I learn? I'm not intolerant. I just know my boundaries.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

Book 60 is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson.

This book is a best seller and an enjoyable read. Manson is witty and straightforward, as you can guess from the title.

Nothing he said was new, if you've read enough self help books but he tells it differently in that he insists you take responsibility for your own life, thoughts and outcomes.

As someone who values the idea that happiness is intrinsic and that you don't always have to be happy, I enjoyed the way he brought those two ideas together.

This book felt very aimed at people who wouldn't usually be seen dead reading self help books and I'm a little too old for that "too cool for school" attitude.

The author does redeem himself by showing vulnerability but he never quite stopped me thinking that his cockiness made me want to listen to him less.

Still worth the read.

4 truths out of 5.

Should I read this? Anything that helps you pull back from over-indexing on introspection and gives solid tips for how to change you thinking is worth the read. So, yes.
What did I learn? I can spend more time facing my challenges.

A Short Guide to a Happy Life

Book 54 is A Short Guide to a Happy Life by Anna Quindlen.

I go through self-help book phases during the year and the one problem that brings is that you can read something amazing next to something less amazing and falls short.

So, I must ask: Does it fall short because something else read so recently was better?

Not in this case. A lot of this is fairly obvious stuff that you'd see posted on facebook as an image with a background of the Grand Canyon. I see why it would be good for a speech given to youngens starting out in their lives and careers but all I got was validation.

Maybe validation is enough. You're doing it right. Keep doing that good thing.

For me, I'm not reading self-help books to fix anything but more to constantly improve as a human being. To be a better person to myself and to others. This book did not give me more tools and I am sure that is why I didn't rate it. Others may love it.

2 warm hearted quotes out of 5.

Should I read this? No. I don't think I'd recommend it to anyone at all.
What did I learn? There are too many self-help books sprouting nothing helpful. It's as though validating someone's life is enough. That's not helpful to me

Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone

Book 50 is Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brene Brown.

To start, I adore Brene Brown, which makes it sad that I felt so judged by this book. The thing is that being judged always makes me stand back and ask myself why.

I think she touches or sore points and things that once I feel less defensive, I can improve on.

This is one of those times.

I've never fitted in, at least not in a conventional way. That was something that I adjusted too a loooon time ago. Maybe when I realised at 12 years old that I'd never be cool so why bother trying?

I have been contented since then :)

This is the kind of book that I must digest and then take from it what works for me. As always, she has me thinking.

4 screams in an empty room of 5.

Should I read this? Maybe if you are looking for some kind of peace, some kind of silence.
What did I learn? I'm a pretty healthy human in a lot of ways and that has been a long journey. I have less of a way to travel but still a journey awaits me. See you on the road or somewhere in the wilderness.

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It

Book 49 is Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It by Kamal Ravikant.

I wanted to love his book like I love myself but it felt like a sales pitch.

Kamal did sound sincere and vulnerable but he also sounded like he was selling an inflatable version of self confidence. Not the fake self confidence but truly believing in yourself.

As a disciple of cognitive behavioural therapy, I know you can reset your pathways and think differently. He didn't even touch the science around that. It was more of a "I got dumped and now someone loves me" chant. I wanted to hear that he was OK alone, not that he was OK in a relationship.

Disappointed at every turn, all I can agree with is something I've always told people myself: Give yourself oxygen before you help others.

There are many better books on this subject. Don't waste a couple of hours on this.

2 sales pitches of 5.

Should I read this? Sadly, no. Grab Brene Brown or Trevor Noah. There are many better ways to the same destination.

What did I learn? No one else can complete you. Being able to fall in love and be loved back does not define you. Standing alone is done alone and then others may join. He failed to express this.

Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype

Book 38 of 2017 is Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estés.

This book was chosen because I friend mentioned it and we agreed to read it together. It was on my To Read list but not high in priority.

I wanted to like this book so much but I couldn't. It just felt like too hippy and motherly for me. The style was interesting with myths and the link to the authors ideas but it didn't use any data and I need data. It did make me feel ok for being a wild woman but that was about it.

This is not a book I would recommend.

2 wolf analogies out of 5.

Should I read this? Maybe if you are spiritual.
What did I learn? I am not spiritual.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Book 34 of 2017 is The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondō.

I am very undecided on this book. It has the salesmanship that makes you want to dive in and change your life but it promises disappointment in my eyes.

The one thing that has happened since reading this has been my ability to throw things out without remorse. That alone is an amazing step.

I can see how this could change your life. I don't know if it will change mine.

3 discarded items without spark out of 5.

Should I read this? Honestly, I'm not sure. Ask me in three months.
What did I learn? I can throw things out without guilt, as long as I don't tell anyone about it. This is freeing.

The Marshmallow Test

Book 19 of 2016 is The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control by Walter Mischel.

A book based on a famous psychological experiment that anyone who has had their self-control falter has heard of.

I know the child I would have been. I'd not have taken the marshmallow because I was very obedient and knew to wait for the better option. Not sure that reflects in my current life though. My adult life.

The idea that nurture is as powerful as nature was interesting. This is something I have believed for a while but have not seen backed with a lot of studies.

The way this was written was not that interesting but the studies and interpretations were.

If there had been more tips and tricks for dealing with hot actions, that would have made this more worth the read but it wasn't.

Three marshmallows out of five.

Should I read this? Only if you have an interest in CBT and want more help with what to read more about around self-control.
What did I learn? All this talk of them made me want to eat marshmallows.

Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol

Book 36 of 2015 is Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol by Ann Dowsett Johnston.

My good friend Bruce and his wife read this book last year and he shared this with all the women who he knew who drink.

This book is the current book of the moment around female drinking. It talks of the difference between alcoholism, regular drinking and binge drinking and how that impacts on the life of different women.

One thing it has achieved is to make me realise that drinking is the new smoking.

I don't want to be a smoker and I don't want to be a drinker.

5 sparkling mineral waters with lime out of 5.


Should I read this? Read this book if you drink or know someone that does. That makes pretty much everyone an audience for this view altering book.

What did I learn? That for all my failings, I am not an alcoholic but I do want to remove vices from my life that will shorten it and may have negative effects. 

The Organized Mind

Book 17 of 2015 is The Organized Mind by Daniel J. Levitin.

This book is brilliant in ways and condescending in others. This could be because I'm a mathematician. But nonetheless, I am now a more organized mind.

I read this because Amazon recommended it and rated it highly. I recommend everyone else reads it because it gives you tools to help reduce the noise in your life and bring order to the societally induced chaos.

I know I love a book when I have to go read about 17 other topics after reading it. Read it.

Should I read this? If you are aiming to calm at least some of the chaos then yes, read this. It will help you even if you don't want to be helped.
What did I learn? Trust the numbers.